BAD TEACHER

Elizabeth Halsey is a super-hot, superficial gold digger who can’t wait to retire from teaching middle school. Her rich fiancé is her ticket out, but as the film begins, said fiancé (with some encouragement from his overbearing mother) figures out Elizabeth’s true colors and unceremoniously dumps her. Left broke and with no choice but to return to her loathsome teaching job, Elizabeth returns, tail between her legs, to JAMS! (John Adams Middle School) until she can find a way out. So begins Bad Teacher.

The film is a study in inappropriate behavior as Elizabeth is as insensitive as she is self-absorbed. She drinks too much, she has her students watch movies in class, she smokes marijuana on school property, she curses like a truck driver (with no disrespect meant to those who drive trucks), and exudes an alluring sexuality which could wake the dead. While she is not stupid, her dissipation makes her a horrible human being and one wonders how she ever became a teacher in the first place (perhaps a prequel might address that conundrum, but if we are fortunate it will remain a mystery).

Bad Teacher has an elegantly simple action: Elizabeth tries to ensnare another unsuspecting wealthy man, in this case, the independently wealthy substitute teacher Scott Dellacorte (Justin Timberlake). She is convinced that the key to success is expensive breast augmentation surgery. She exploits her position as teacher and tremendous physical appeal to raise the 10 grand she needs for the surgery. She raises money through tips and bribes from desperately foolish parents, an x-rated school car wash, and a sure-fire plan to win the ludicrous cash money prize the school gives to the teacher whose class has the highest state exam scores. Her rival is perennial best-teacher Amy Squirrel, who is competing with Elizabeth for both the money and the affections of Mr. Dellacorte.

While sophomorically crude, one wonders if the crudeness is the object of the movie or the object of the movie’s satire. While Elizabeth is a horrible teacher for so many reasons, good teacher Amy Squirrel is no prize either. While her classroom demeanor is appropriate and her dedication to students sincere, she is clearly driven by as many if not more demons as bad teacher Elizabeth. And while Elizabeth is crude and offensive, you more or less know where you stand with her. Amy Squirrel is surprisingly comfortable lying, stealing, and conducting business in public Men’s Rooms. While on the surface she appears to be driven to be an excellent teacher, she is merely compulsive. The rest of the JAMS community is so overwhelmingly insipid that bad teacher Elizabeth, in many respects, is a breath of fresh air.

Bad Teacher makes many biting criticisms about public education particularly the absurd emphasis placed on standardized test scores. This could be an excellent satire, but unfortunately it promises more than it delivers. While the movie is filled with hilarious moments, neither the script nor the direction are developed enough to reach its full potential. Even excellent performances by Cameron Diaz (whose attraction waxes as she gets older), Judy Punch’s Amy Squirrel, or the brilliant John Michael Higgins as the ineffectual Principal Snur, can’t lift Bad Teacher form a collection of funny moments to the cohesive and insightful satire the film aspires to be.

All that said, is this movie appropriate for your Brownie daughter? Probably not since the film was made to appeal directly to your Weblos or Boy Scout son. Make no mistake; you will be exposing your daughter to an onslaught of foul language and inappropriate behavior. Naked breasts appear in long shots on more than one occasion and there is a scene of fully clothed dry-humping which is fully pornographic. Furthermore and perhaps most damaging, it reinforces the basest sexual stereotypes and the most superficial human aspirations. If you take your Brownie daughter to see Bad Teacher, you become a Bad Parent.


I give it 1 Samoa.

BRIDESMAIDS

Poor Annie: her artisan cake shop recently failed and her boyfriend subsequently left her. Her current job stinks, her roommates are freakish, her mother participates in AA even though she is clearly not an alcoholic, and she sleeps with a handsome man who teats her like a whore. Her only constancy is Lillian, her best friend from childhood. If Annie has fallen on hard times, Lillian’s fortunes are rising as she

becomes engaged to her wealthy, banker boyfriend. Lillian asks Annie to be her Maid of Honor, but it all goes sour when Beth, one of the bridesmaids, strives to take control of all the wedding plans and even displace Annie from her “best friend” status. Beth is everything Annie is not: fabulously wealthy, confident and well connected. Yet Beth craves what Annie has, an authentic intimate friendship with Lillian.

As Annie gets to know Beth and the other bridesmaids, the entire process becomes a hilarious competition between Annie and Beth. It is a competition that Annie is losing almost from the instant it begins and continues to propel Annie’s downward spiral. The only positive thing in Annie’s life is a blossoming friendship and romance with a kindly police officer, but even that sours when Annie is incapable of responding to his genuine kindness and respect.

Bridesmaids is a comic study in human indecency coupled with a really bad case of Murpy’s Law. All the bridesmaids are suffering from loneliness, yet they are unable to bring any measure of comfort to each other, because they are wallowing in their own denial and self-absorbtion. This parade of dysfunction can be hysterically funny, but the laughter never goes critical (as they say in nuclear weapons parlance). The laughs are there but they simmer rather than explode. The cast, headed by Kristin Wiig (who also co-produced and co-wrote the film with Annie Mumulo) is superb, and the script tells a well-developed story that has the courage to hold no punches in its outlandish humor, disgusting imagery, and heartbreaking tenderness. I suspect the laughter is capped because of the Chekhovian tension between the comic eccentricity and bittersweet reality of the characters. There are just enough laughs to keep you from crying and just enough sadness to keep you from laughing with gusto. All in all, a satisfying evening.

Kristen Wiig is exquisite as Annie. Her vulnerability and femininity are sustained throughout the many physical and emotional indignities she is forced to endure. Maya Rudolph also gives an excellent performance as Lillian. The talented ensemble, which features many familiar faces from other NBC Universal ventures, is as funny as it is affecting. The late Jill Clayburgh plays Annie’s eccentric, but loving mother in what turned out to be her final screen performance. Jon Hamm makes an uncredited appearance as Annie’s narcissistic lover. Hamm makes a wonderful douche bag and it is impressive to see such an extraordinarily handsome actor render himself ugly just by being a loathsome cad. Now that’s a real actor!

While there is much to like about this film, is it appropriate for your Brownie daughter? The film is full of foul language and many comic sexual situations which are no less intense because of their humor. The film comprises several scenes involving the nastiest of bodily functions which give Slumdog Millionaire a run for its money in terms of its repulsiveness. Perhaps most damaging is exposing your daughter to so much adult angst at such a tender age. Let your daughter enjoy her childhood so that there is a glimmer of hope that she does not grow up to be like any one of the ladies from this film.

Bridesmaids. I give it 2 Samoas.